Day Thirteen - Children of the Corn (2009)


Okay, I admit that the original film adaptation of Stephen King's short story was not perfect. It may not even be a good movie, but as a kid the opening half hour were as scary as a movie could get. The opening massacre in the diner, the car hitting the kid in the road, Isaac's creepy face: a perfect storm of terror for pubescent me. Now I've heard some say that the Isaac of the original was not believable for some reason, but I must argue that the alternative is far less frightening. This remake does two things. First it sucks anything that was remotely frightening right out of the story. Second, it sucks all the likability right out of the main characters. Say what you will about the original, but we liked and pulled for Linda Hamilton and Peter Horton. Especially Horton who has some truly great moments in the original where he reacts in astoundingly believable ways to the murderous children. In the remake we get a bickering couple who seem to hate each other. He slaps her (and while I'm not one to condone such behavior, she had it coming) and she constantly rags on him for being a Vietnam veteran. It's incredibly off-putting. The dialogue is terrible and the acting only slightly better. The new Isaac is a little kid in a big hat. He's not scary in the least. There is nothing frightening about him. He doesn't even pull off the creepy little kid thing, and that's pretty simple stuff. The only thing this movie has over the original is that there's a set of boobs in it. Enjoy.