31 Days of Horror

Day Twenty-Eight: The Mutilator (1985)

    This is a pretty standard slasher that seems to have been lost in the shuffle. There were alot of these movies made in the eighties and to fans of the genre most of them are worth seeing. If you can find a copy of this one, I highly reccomend it. The story follows a young man named Ed who accidentally murders his mother as a child and gets slapped around by his dad for it. Fast-forward ten years and Ed brings his buddies to the scene of the crime wh...

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Day Twenty-Seven: Winterbeast (1991)

    I love bad movies, and I love describing bad movies, but some bad movies must be seen to be believed. This is one of those films. I couldn't tell you exactly what I saw, but it involved stop-motion animation, horrible acting, no story, and a truly disturbing sequence featuring some old queen lip-synching to the creepy children's standard "Oh Dear, What Can The Matter Be?". If this movie doesn't make you feel like you're on drugs then it will surely ma...

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Day Twenty-Six: Orphan (2009)

    Sometimes a movie's twist ending is all it has going for it. Sometimes a big "gotcha" at the end of a silly horror film can either make the movie a worthwhile experience or ruin it completely. With Orphan I knew the twist going in, and quite honestly, it's the reason I really wanted to see the movie. I mean I'm the kind of person who would watch any scary kid movie anyway, but I wasn't exactly beating down the cineplex door to get my ticket to this trashy li...

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  This unfortunate entry in the short-lived Showtime series Masters of Horror answers the question that has been on all American's minds in the last few years: What if the father of our country was a cannibal? The answer: a bunch of lame cannibals in wigs would carry on his legacy. It's an uninteresting story made none more enjoyable by the hokey execution. Oh well.
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Revered genre director Joe Dante reunites with Corey Feldman and uber-producer Roger Corman for an internet-only experiment. A three-episode choose your own adventure horror film from the good folks at Netflix. Feldman plays Johnny Splatter, a rock star who has recently killed himself with a wonderfully bloody gunshot to the head. Splatter invites those who have wronged him to his house to view his videotaped will. Once in the house, Splatter traps them insid...
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Day Twenty-Three - Feast III: The Happy Finish

Feast was a fun creature feature with a good sense of humor. Feast II: Sloppy Seconds was a lame attempt to make some sort of Feast/Troma hybrid that only succeeded in sucking. Well, with Feast III: The Happy Finish the filmmakers have picked up right where they left off. There are some slight improvements from the second film. For instance, the girl with the bright red hair is topless for most of the movie. Spoiler: A giant robot steps on a ...
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Day Twenty-Two - Satanic Panic (2009)

  The so-called "satanic panic" of the 1980s has yet to get a good movie treatment, and this shit-fest is no revelation. The idea of satanists roaming the hillside and sacrificing children after listening to Judas Priest backward is such great source material for a horror film. Unfortunately, no one has truly been able to capitalize on that hysteria. Satanic Panic opens with a faux-documentary sequence which is amateurish, yet amusing. After this littl...
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Day Twenty-One - A Perfect Getaway (2009)

Okay, so I'm reaching a little bit on this one. This is more of a thriller than a horror film, but I think it counts as it deals with a pair of serial killers who are murdering young honeymooning couples. Enter Steve Zahn and Milla Jovavich, two young newlyweds ready to enjoy a long hike in Hawaii. There are two other couples on the trail and the audience is supposed to be figuring out which couple is the murderous duo. The only problem is that the ...
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Day Twenty - Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead (2009)

  The original Wrong Turn was a suspenseful, classic horror film that successfully played on my fear of Southerners. Its first sequel had a totally different vibe, but was pretty entertaining, and featured a great over-the-top performance from Henry Rollins. Wrong Turn 3 delivers some chuckles and a few good kills, but most of them are immediately diffused by a ridiculous kill, or digital blood-splatter that completely betrays the spirit of ...
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